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02/11/2005 Entry: "MI-5"

Courtesy of Maggi again, who's so egocentric she can't give up the glory.

1. do you have a favorite animal?
Sorta, I guess. I like tarantulas. Humpback whales are cool. Hemit crabs are always nice.

2. do you have any stories regarding suicide?
What kinda questions are these? Alright, I'll answer, but nobody should wig, ok? Sometimes I think about if I were to commit suicide, how would I do it. I'd want to do it in a way that wouldn't freak Susan out. Right. Husband dead but not freak out--it doesn't make much sense. But what I mean is I wouldn't want her to walk into the bedroom and find me with my head gone. So here's my plan. Go down to the Co-op in Spruce Head, and borrow one of the local lobsterman's skiffs. Row out somewheres. Tie a cement block around my ankle. Better yet, use chain. Throw that over the side, but don't go over with it. Just let it dangle. Sit on the gunwale of the skiff. Lean seaward. Shoot self in head. Sink to bottom. See the plan here? Quick death from the shooting, and yet no mess to clean up later. How thoughtful.

3. what are your drug habits?
I'm going to have to use the loose definition, as I don't really have a "drug habit." I like coffee. I drink maybe four cups a day, fewer on the weekends. I sometimes enjoy a beer, maybe a sip of bourbon after a really hard day at the office. I've never been drunk, and I've never been high. I have no intentions of ever doing either.

4. do you sing along to music? dance?
Yes. If I don't know the words, I just make 'em up.

5. would you spell it "hoe" or "ho"?
It depends. Garden impliment is "hoe," streetwalkin' purveyor of naughty-joy is "ho."