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09/27/2005 Entry: "Dreaming of Skunks"

So last night, I had to run out to the grocery store. When I came back, the singular odor of Pepe LePew was hovering around the house. I know there's been a skkunk in the neighborhood. Next-door neighbor Gerry has put moth balls under his garage to try and ward them off, and one day after mowing the lawn, I saw a skunk inside my garage. (I got my pellet pistol and staked out a spot by the door, but I couldn't get a clean shot.)

In the dream, I was walking to my front door. In a giant pine tree (which I don't have in real life) I could see two glowing, yellow eyes that I knew were a skunk. Do skunks climb six feet high in trees? I don't know, but I don't think they do. But this one could. I figured once I approached, he'd become more scared of me than I of him, so I kept walking. I was wrong. With a temper like that of a wolverine, this thing lept from the tree and started attacking me! Snarling, biting, growling, frothing. I fought back. I found his airway under his chin, and I pressed in with my thumbs. Not being able to get air, he wasn't too happy, and took that time to spray me. And this wasn't little squirt gun stream of water like spray. No, this was Super Soaker style spray! Now I'm really mad. And figuring that I'm already gonna stink, I reach for his belly, and somehow just ripped his fur off. I then dug through his skin, and disemboweled him! This caused him to give up. He had a few last breaths there on the ground, his organs spilling out of him on the walkway.

I called inside to Susan, and told her to fill the bathtub with tomato soup; we don't keep tomato juice here at the Batty household. She came out to see what was going on, and remarked that actually, I didn't smell bad at all. I figure either we were so into the stink we couldn't recognize it, or maybe it was some kind of super skunk time release stink urine, that would only act up later.

Then I woke up.

Have a happy Tuesday morning, everyone!