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11/15/2005 Entry: "Crazy Budist Sex Dream"

Good morning, all! It's 7:03 EST here in Maine, and I thought I'd start your morning off with a crazy dream that involves some really crazy (though I'll not make it pornographic) sex. (I'll put that in the "Get More Here" section, so you won't have to read that part if you don't want.)

I was hired to play a Middle School dance. The dance was taking place in, you guessed it, the front living room of my grandmother's house. For those of you who've never been there, Ma has two living rooms, and they're next to each other. One is in the front 1/2 of the house, and the second is in the back 1/2. They share a common wall, and there's an opening between so you can walk from one living room to the other. But they are seperate rooms; it does not feel at all like one big room. (You could pull the wall down, I guess, but I think the chimney is hidden in that wall.) Anyway...

So I'm all set up and ready, and I'm trying to think about what song I should play first. In reality, I don't normally play school dances, as I don't have the material kids want. But, it's a dream. Right next to me is a student. He's got his laptop and a cheap little mixer, and he's going to hook into my system, and play durning the breaks and whatnot. No big whoop to me really, I'm kinda showing him the ropes. But the time comes to play the first song, and I just can't figure out what to start with. So this kid starts things off. The song is a big hit with the kids, and they all start dancing. I don't have any material that even resembles what this kid is playing. So now I think I'm really in trouble. I'm looking through all my CDs, and I'm starting to panic. Now the first song is over, and I'm still not ready. So the kid spins his second tune. The student's love him, and I'm thinking maybe he should just play the gig. I decide I need to look at my other CDs, and they're in the other living room.

Click "Get More Here" if you'd like to continue, but be forewarned, it's a little freaky. No bad language, but don't let your kids read it.)

So I enter the back bedroom through a curtain. When I get back there, I can't believe my eyes. There are a bunch of Budist monks back there, and one of them is on the floor. There's some business man sitting on his stomach. They're all chanting and ringing bells and stuff. The business man on top is fully clothed, as is the guy on the floor. (Well, from my position he looks clothed. He's got pants on, I can see.) So I ask what is going on. One monk who speaks English tells me.

"The business man has paid much money to have spiritual sex with the monk on the floor. The guy on the floor has a special talent. He can disembowel himself. He lies on his back, and takes out his inner organs. He takes everything out that's lower than his ribcage. He leaves his heart and lungs in place. The other stuff he takes out, and places on a pan next to him. Then, the business man will sit on the monk's hips, and place his penis inside the cavity. He pushes forward until he can touch the monk's ribcage. Then, the monk puts his organs back in, their warmth surrounding the business man's member. This ritual is called "Peener in the Furnace." (Editor's note: I'm laughing like crazy having written "Peener in the Furnace" on my blog!) It's very spiritual, and very few people can afford to go through the ceremony. The monk can't do this very often, so demand is very high. Very few people will ever even know about this, so you should feel honored."

Then I woke up.

There was another dream too, before this one. It involved me driving to a gig in Dover Foxcroft in Susan's minivan, having a problem with the winsheild wippers, getting lost, and finding Blind Al lost along the same route. But the actual details are sketchy, so you'll only get the Budist sex dream today.

Have a nice morning!

Replies: 1 person has rocked the mic!