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05/05/2006 Entry: "Susan's MI-5"

My wife Susan is a legal TV addict. She thought up this weeks questions:

1. What is the worst legal trouble you've ever been in?
I don't think I've ever been in legal trouble. I try to behave myself, pretty much. I once reported that I knew where a stolen cymbal was located. It was a 16" medium thin Zildjian suspended cymbal. It's a concert cymbal, and Rockland High owned it when I was there. It was a beautiful cymbal. Someone saw it in a music store, and turned me onto it. It was beat up and cracked. I called Ms. Hall to see if she knew about it. She told me it had been stolen, and I told her where she could find it. The cops called me, and kinda tried to intimidate me a little bit.

"How did you know it was there?"
"Someone told me about it," says I.
"How did you know it was the schools?"
"An A Zildjian medium thin suspended? In Rockland? C'mon, it could of come from only one place."
"Tell us who told you about it," the cop says on the phone.
"No, I don't need to tell you that."
"If you don't tell us, you could be arrested for (some aiding a crime charge I don't remember)."

I called his bluff.

"If you want to arrest me, a local citizen, for trying to do the right thing, you go ahead. And I'll call Dagney (arts reporter from the local newspaper) and let her know how this all goes down. If you think arresting me is the right thing to do, you go right ahead."

And that was the end of it.

2. Do you have a lawyer and what do you use him for?
My sister used to work for Jim Brannan, so I consider him "my attorney." In reality, though, Lisa does my legal work. She did my will and my living will, and I'm quite sure she did all the real work on purchasing my house. But if I'm ever arrested for something, I'd probably call Jim.

3. Have you ever been called for jury duty? Did you serve?
I've never been called, and I want to be! I want to serve so bad!

4. What's your most serious traffic infraction?
I've been pulled over for speeding twice. Neither time I was speeding excessively--say maybe 10mph over. Neither time did I get a ticket. I've never had a ticket for a moving violation. Parking? Yeah, I've had one or two of those.

5. Have you have any funny legal incidents?
This is one of those speeding incidents. I was on my way to New Harbor for a gig. I was going through Waldoboro, had just come down the big hill, and was on my way up the other side when the blues came on. I pulled over, and reached into the glove box for registration and insurance. It was dark outside, and I rolled down my window as the cop approached. I was looking over at the glove box, and just turned back towards the window when the cop stuck his head inside and kissed me on the cheek! I was shocked! He took off his smokey bear, and I could finally see who it was. It was my friend Jeremy from high school! He was laughing like crazy--he must've seen how confused I was by the darkness and the shadows of his hat. He told me to slow down (I was doing 55 in a 45), and all was cool. It was something crazy I'll never forget. Of course, Jeremy was (and still is) crazy!